?

Log in

No account? Create an account
Meet Maria Wolonski - click opera
February 2010
 
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
28
 
 
 
 
 
 
Page 1 of 2
[1] [2]
Tue, Feb. 9th, 2010 10:50 am
Meet Maria Wolonski

Momus: Hello everyone, thanks for coming today. I'd like to present Maria Wolonski, our new... What is your official title, Maria? I forget, despite being the one who made it up!
Maria: Wasn't it "Flexible Information Nexus"?
Momus: "F-I-N". Sounds a bit fishy! No, didn't it have a P in it... not PA, not PR...
Maria: PDA! Personal Digital Assistant!
Momus: Thanks, that'll do nicely for now. So, everyone, I'd like you to meet Maria Wolonski, the new Momus PDA. We're delighted to have her aboard.



Maria: Shall I curtsey? Or do you want to spray champagne over me, like Richard Branson?
Momus: Ha ha, it is tempting! But Richard Branson is a sexist pig. I wouldn't treat my employees like that. I think we should tell people first and foremost to follow your feed.
Maria: Yes! Right. Well, my feed is called wolon, which is obviously short for "Wolonski". It's your highly Portable Information Nexus (P-I-N) for anything and everything related to Momus. Concerts, press appearances, lectures, reactions to events, recommendations. Hey, should I be calling you "Mr Momus"?
Momus: No, no, just plain Momus is fine.
Maria: Should we talk about what we were discussing earlier?
Momus: What was that? Oh, about possible reactions? Okay... You go first.
Maria: Well, it's just that you thought... You thought there was a possibility of dismay. That people would say: "He's winding up Click Opera just to unveil... a Twitter feed?"
Momus: Right. And it's important to stress that this is not a Momus-related Twitter feed. Well, not just a Momus-related Twitter feed. This is Maria, a new person. A new member of staff. In a new office. With rafters.
Maria: You know, I think I will call you Mr Momus on the feed. So cute!
Momus: It is cute, but remember the "Mr" will take up two of those precious 140 characters.
Maria: Oh, I can slip it in there. I'm good at that. Mr Momus on BBC Radio 4's Quote Unquote "deserves to be a massive multi-billionaire" (says nice Dr Ben Goldacre). See? I tweeted all that plus a compact tinyurl. It fits!
Momus: I want to ask you a few questions about your origins, Maria, because I think the readers will want to know some background. But first I just want to clear up this question of the value of Twitter. As you know, I had a piece up in April called The case against -- and for -- Twitter. It was quite damning: "You could easily see the tweet as an inherently worthless form, some kind of spreading weed, replacing meaningful content with something scattershot, trivial, phatic, desultory -- eroding topsoil, decreasing crop yields." But then -- being a dialectical kind of chap -- I saw the plus side: "Couldn't all the important things ever said be reduced to 140 characters? There's nothing more wonderful than seeing a short form given some kind of lapidary perfection." Now, the wolon feed is mostly for information about real-world Momus activities, but I hope it can achieve some of that "lapidary perfection" too. Some kind of beauty.
Maria: That's why you made someone short and perfectly-formed your "flexible information nexus"?
Momus: You're perfectly formed, but you're not short! Come on, Maria, you're almost as tall as me!
Maria: It's true, and you wear high heels.
Momus: Don't tell them that!
Maria: Ha ha ha!
Momus: Do you want me to show them your baby pictures?
Maria: What, that one of me in my birthday suit? When you were down in the lab, fabricating me like the Bride of Frankenstein?
Momus: Yes, that one!
Maria: Well, I certainly don't want you holding the threat to show it over my head and using it to control my freedom of expression. So go ahead, I'm not ashamed. In fact, I think it's good to make my fabrication process clear and obvious to everybody, as if to say "This is how a PDA is made!"
Momus: Okay, here's Maria in the lab, back when she was being fabricated. Isn't she lovely?



Maria: I have a damn good body, I'll say that for me. You look like you had a lot on your hands before I came along. In fact, you had a lot of hands, period.
Momus: That's right, I had a thumb in many pies. I had to juggle everything constantly. I didn't know what to do with all my hands. That's why I needed a new pair.
Maria: Yes, today you're showing a new pair of hands and a clean pair of heels!
Momus: Please don't go on about my heels!
Maria: You like to wear them with spurs while sitting on your high horse!
Momus: No I don't! Anyway, here's a flow diagram of how I hope we'll be working together in the future.



Maria: That's lovely! I'm a penguin! Where did you get the graphic?
Momus: It's a tribute to the Japanese designer Nakajo Masayoshi, a cluster of some of his motifs. He did a lot of work for the Shiseido magazine Hanatsubaki, really nice clear and simple design, but quirky, with lots of personality.
Maria: Is that you in the photo?
Momus: No, it's Harry Smith, but it's how I might look in a few years.
Maria: You have a birthday coming up soon, don't you?
Momus: No.
Maria: Yes you do!
Momus: No I don't! I don't want to talk about that! In fact, let's just end this meeting now, shall we, Maria?
Maria: Okay, you're the boss, Mr Branson! I mean, Mr Momus!

Follow Maria Wolonski on Twitter.

82CommentReplyShare


(Anonymous)
Tue, Feb. 9th, 2010 10:03 am (UTC)

I always knew you really wanted to be a 20something naked girl.


ReplyThread

(Anonymous)
Tue, Feb. 9th, 2010 10:32 am (UTC)

You've played your old prolepsis game of anticipating people saying it's lame as a means of warding off the criticism. And yet, it's still lame.


ReplyThread

(Anonymous)
Tue, Feb. 9th, 2010 10:47 am (UTC)

Does Hisae know about Maria?


ReplyThread
imomus
imomus
imomus
Tue, Feb. 9th, 2010 11:02 am (UTC)

Of course! Last night they were baking Chinese steam cakes -- marakao -- together!


ReplyThread Parent Expand


(Anonymous)
Tue, Feb. 9th, 2010 10:57 am (UTC)

Momus, you said you didn't want to be a 50 year old man obsessed with his blog. But is creating a hot young alias on Twitter really any improvement?


ReplyThread
imomus
imomus
imomus
Tue, Feb. 9th, 2010 11:06 am (UTC)

Don't hate on my highly portable personal information nexus! She will allow me to get on with many useful things while she "mans" the store.


ReplyThread Parent

(Anonymous)
Tue, Feb. 9th, 2010 11:03 am (UTC)

Stop the press: someone quit livejournal and joined twitter. You're certainly not one to follow the herd, are you Mr Momus?


ReplyThread
imomus
imomus
imomus
Tue, Feb. 9th, 2010 11:11 am (UTC)

Originality is not what you do, or even when you do it. It's how.


ReplyThread Parent

(Anonymous)
Tue, Feb. 9th, 2010 11:14 am (UTC)

Nick Currie, please can you tell me a bit about the process of choosing the "Momus" moniker. Also what is your middle name?


ReplyThread
imomus
imomus
imomus
Tue, Feb. 9th, 2010 11:23 am (UTC)

I had a bunch of different names scribbled in notebooks:

Sam Hall (Evangelist)
Chanticleer
Nicky January
Momus

I think "Momus" came from Aesop's Fables, but maybe it was mentioned in Kierkegaard or something (I was reading a lot of Kierkegaard at that point: Either / Or). In consultation with Mike Alway of el Records I settled on Momus. It had a certain darkness and otherness to it, a classical feel (Greece and Rome have always fascinated me), and the vowel sound was a bit like "Bowie", my idol.

My middle name is the most boring name in the world: John.


ReplyThread Parent

(Anonymous)
Tue, Feb. 9th, 2010 11:20 am (UTC)

Oh dear. Is Maria Wolonski your midlife crisis?


ReplyThread
imomus
imomus
imomus
Tue, Feb. 9th, 2010 11:27 am (UTC)

I have decided to enjoy my midlife crisis to the hilt!


ReplyThread Parent Expand

niemandsrose
niemandsrose
Niemandsrose
Tue, Feb. 9th, 2010 11:34 am (UTC)

Whatever. Even for Momus, I'm not joining Twitter.


ReplyThread
imomus
imomus
imomus
Tue, Feb. 9th, 2010 11:43 am (UTC)

Oh, but you don't have to join Twitter to read a Twitter feed! It's just out there, open for all, a web page you can read. You bookmark it like any other.


ReplyThread Parent
vertigoranger
vertigoranger
VERTIGORANGER.REKAY
Tue, Feb. 9th, 2010 12:11 pm (UTC)

Currie you old rascal.


ReplyThread

(Anonymous)
Tue, Feb. 9th, 2010 12:39 pm (UTC)

Can Maria sing? You might well have the new Kahimi Karie on your hands there.


ReplyThread
imomus
imomus
imomus
Tue, Feb. 9th, 2010 12:41 pm (UTC)

She can tweet.


ReplyThread Parent

(Anonymous)
Tue, Feb. 9th, 2010 01:25 pm (UTC)

Might as well buy stupid sexy clothes for your new galatea. Don't want her to get cold, sitting in front of her desk naked all day, do you.

-r


ReplyThread
imomus
imomus
imomus
Tue, Feb. 9th, 2010 01:27 pm (UTC)

Pygmalion and Narcissus, in the space of a few days! This really is a mythical week on Click Opera!


ReplyThread Parent Expand

(no subject) - (Anonymous) Expand

(no subject) - (Anonymous) Expand

(Anonymous)
Tue, Feb. 9th, 2010 02:32 pm (UTC)

everyone knew momus likes super slim brunettes, but vaginas with hair? i had no idea. but, i approve. seems to get in the way of the momus as pedophile meme though.


ReplyThread

(Anonymous)
Tue, Feb. 9th, 2010 02:34 pm (UTC)

What? You're downgrading to a poxy twitter feed, "fronted" by a Zadie Smith lookalike? Poor show, Momus!


ReplyThread

(Anonymous)
Tue, Feb. 9th, 2010 02:43 pm (UTC)

I must say this is all a bit of a letdown. I was assuming you'd use your last livejournal posts to unveil some incredibly innovative new project that would take the place of this blog. I was hoping for some wizzbang end, like the last episode of 'The Prisoner' or something. But no.

Be seeing you!


ReplyThread

(Anonymous)
Tue, Feb. 9th, 2010 06:32 pm (UTC)

Hey Momus! You didn't make the grade buddy! Failure isn't allowed round here my man! I'm going where the grass still grows green and strong, because I only associate and understand things that are strong, stready and invulnerable! Too bad buddy! Maybe you'll make the team next time round!


ReplyThread Parent

(Anonymous)
Tue, Feb. 9th, 2010 02:54 pm (UTC)

I hate hairy vaginas too. Fortunately, I like hairy labia.


ReplyThread
robotmummies
robotmummies
ad reinhardt
Tue, Feb. 9th, 2010 03:21 pm (UTC)

Image and video hosting by TinyPic


ReplyThread
imomus
imomus
imomus
Tue, Feb. 9th, 2010 04:04 pm (UTC)

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!


ReplyThread Parent

(Anonymous)
Tue, Feb. 9th, 2010 03:34 pm (UTC)

Hey, I'd fuck Maria Wolonski! Way to go my man Momus!


ReplyThread

(Anonymous)
Tue, Feb. 9th, 2010 04:22 pm (UTC)
You're all ghastly !

Why are the people angry at Momus? What is angry?

Momus dear boy, do as you please, as you always have and never mind what these rock apes are frittering on about. I can feel your artistic visions and vibrations bright and sparky as ever. They has not been weakened nor undermined by your new assistant twitter thing.

Why must you people torture this man? I hope you haven't taken any of these bitchy comments to heart.

Many blessings.


ReplyThread Parent

(no subject) - (Anonymous) Expand

(Anonymous)
Tue, Feb. 9th, 2010 03:56 pm (UTC)

Momus, thanks very much for introducing us to your personal assistant Maria Wolonski. It was particulalry sporting of you to share some nude shots of her. I was wondering whether you have any more that you could post here? Perhaps with poses that are a little more provocative?

Thanks in advance!


ReplyThread

(Anonymous)
Tue, Feb. 9th, 2010 04:09 pm (UTC)

It's all very well having a sexy nude personal assistant, Momus, I guess it's your equivalent of getting a Harley Davidson. But at the age of fifty you may have problems doing anything about it! You may find that delightfully hirsute vagina harder to penetrate than in your salad days, now that your erection lacks the rigidity of its younger self, as you head into the final furlongs of your life. Please stop a moment and consider this point, Momus.


ReplyThread Parent Expand


(no subject) - (Anonymous) Expand


(no subject) - (Anonymous) Expand


(no subject) - (Anonymous) Expand

(no subject) - (Anonymous) Expand

(no subject) - (Anonymous) Expand
akabe
akabe
alin huma
Tue, Feb. 9th, 2010 04:32 pm (UTC)

nakajo is the only japanese graphic designer i like // everyone else is trying too hard


ReplyThread

(Anonymous)
Tue, Feb. 9th, 2010 05:03 pm (UTC)

Because trying is for losers.


ReplyThread Parent Expand

(no subject) - (Anonymous) Expand


(no subject) - (Anonymous) Expand


(no subject) - (Anonymous) Expand


(no subject) - (Anonymous) Expand


(Anonymous)
Tue, Feb. 9th, 2010 05:56 pm (UTC)
hairy

Vaginas aren't hairy.

Stephen Parkin.


ReplyThread

(Anonymous)
Tue, Feb. 9th, 2010 07:01 pm (UTC)
Funny

It feels good.

In Iceland they say Bless as a salutation.

Bless Bless Momus
Bless Bless Nick

Ryan

http://r-sullivan.com/


ReplyThread Parent
brendan_is_gr8
Brendan Landis
Tue, Feb. 9th, 2010 07:34 pm (UTC)
eXtreme newcomer

In the morning I read Momus' blog and wonder how people will hate on his style today.


ReplyThread
count_vronsky
count_vronsky
Tue, Feb. 9th, 2010 08:21 pm (UTC)

So this is the way Click Opera ends?
Not with a bang but a twitter?


ReplyThread
imomus
imomus
imomus
Tue, Feb. 9th, 2010 10:30 pm (UTC)

Since there's also an element of wanting to write for money rather than my personal obsessions, it could also be a case of "not with a whim, but a banker".


ReplyThread Parent

(Anonymous)
Tue, Feb. 9th, 2010 08:33 pm (UTC)
chakra and awe

there's something brilliant about all this. but i still hope you'll do bigger pieces occasionally a la the older imomus essay/photo format.

you've done well, my son. carry on. and let us all remember this time of our life and how we were delighted, inspired, galled and enriched overall.

we've collectively engaged in something strangely karmic and important here; may it continue to spur us all on to our respective destinies; and may you all be blessed with the light and love of the eschaton, the transcendental object at the end of time, the divine, amen, aum, OM.


ReplyThread
thomascott
thomascott
Thomas Scott
Tue, Feb. 9th, 2010 08:41 pm (UTC)

The scourge of the phatic goes phatic?
I will miss Click Opera; do you intend giving up writing longer online articles entirely?


ReplyThread
count_vronsky
count_vronsky
Tue, Feb. 9th, 2010 09:18 pm (UTC)

In case I'm not here for the final curtain, I just wanted to say that I've enjoyed your comments over the years Thomas. Take care :)


ReplyThread Parent Expand




(Anonymous)
Tue, Feb. 9th, 2010 08:59 pm (UTC)
post-colonial-post-marxist-post-capitalist-post-identitypolitics-post-sexist-post-post

this raises some digital-psyber-cyber questions, though, about your new digital creation/employee; do you own them? do they have worker's rights? bargaining power? digital comrades? what does it mean to have created an employee? the digi-ethics of it all...


ReplyThread
ztz42
ztz42
ztz42
Tue, Feb. 5th, 2013 01:26 am (UTC)
Re: post-colonial-post-marxist-post-capitalist-post-identitypolitics-post-sexist-post-post

Do you plan to resume this journal?


ReplyThread Parent Expand